A Day at at Time

I've been back in Scotland for almost a month now. Not much has really changed. It took less than a day for me to fall back into my old routine: sleep until noon, spend my afternoons reading, and then at night walk up to Alangrange to watch movies or TV. It's a nice routine--I like structure and schedules and this one suits me very well. It was also incredibly nice to come back to a familiar place. I walked into my room to find my posters on the wall, my clothes in the closet, and my books on the self. It was like coming home after a very long day at work.

Only I've having a hard time of convincing myself that this place is my home. I live in a house with five strangers, the "living room" looks like a waiting room of a doctor's office, and I won't even get started on my kitchen. The only saving grace I have is my room. I am incredibly blessed to have gotten the biggest room in the house and my window overlooks a courtyard that will be beautiful once spring arrives. Even though my things are here, it is incredibly hard to feel comfortable in a place that doesn't have a heart. I also miss my dog--no one is ever really happy to see me when I walk in my door. This house just feels empty.

I don't want anyone to think that I don't love Scotland or that I'm ungrateful and not enjoying the experiences I'm having here. But living an ocean away from everything you've ever known is a lot harder than I thought it would be. I now know why they call it "homesick." It just washes over me and I feel this huge emptiness in my heart that sometimes makes me sick to my stomach. My intense desires to jump on the earliest flight back to Oklahoma probably stems from my living within 30 of my parents' house my entire life. And I've always been a huge homebody--I would rather stay in and read a book or watch a movie than go out.

All that I can do is take it a day at a time. My mantra for the next six months is that each day is a day closer to home. And tomorrow's the first day of March, so that's one month down. Besides, the bright side is much prettier to look at than the dark side.